How to give a hostess gift – and why you might

Knowing what to bring for a hostess gift is a great skill to have, and a fun one to practice.

With summer comes a string of invitations for backyard barbecues, company picnics, friendly reunions, bridal showers, baby showers, and a run of impromptu dinner parties. How we love it.

But with every gathering, we try to remind ourselves what grandma said: “Remember your manners, and be gracious.”

Enter, the hostess gift.

I’m embarrassed to admit, I’ve gifted some major fails over the years (live and learn, right?) As not to repeat the same mistakes, we did a little research on the etiquette of hostess gifts. What we’ve learned…

Why should you bring a gift to your host or hostess?

Bringing your hostess a thoughtful little gift is an opportunity to be gracious – a chance to recognize the generosity of your host or hostess for spending their precious time (and money) to entertain you. Your gift is simply a token of thanks.

Your gift doesn’t need to be costly! Hostess gifts are a great opportunity to show that you pay attention and have tried to learn something about your host. While you CAN, you certainly don’t need to bring the same hostess gift to every event you attend. These gifts can be customized to the hostess – be thoughtful!

Rules for the hostess gift:

1. If you wouldn’t want to receive it, do not give it.
2. Don’t make a fuss. Not everyone at the party will bring a hostess gift. When you arrive, kindly offer yours to your hostess, but don’t make a production of it. You don’t want to make other guests (and certainly not your hostess) feel awkward.
3. KNOW YOUR HOST OR HOSTESS. This is most important. If your hostess doesn’t drink alcohol, don’t bring wine. If your hostess is allergic to pollen, don’t bring flowers. If your hostess is on a diet…skip the breakfast muffins and bring a nice candle instead. A hostess gift isn’t about what YOU most like to give…it’s about doing something thoughtful for someone who is so kindly hosting you.
4. Always express your sincere thanks. It’s a simple “It’s really kind of you to host. Thanks so much for inviting us – we’ve been looking forward to seeing you!”
5. If you are the guest of honor (lucky you!), definitely bring a hostess gift OR send one the day after the party. And don’t forget to include a nice hand-written thank you note.

Can you bring food as a hostess gift?

Some discourage bringing food as a hostess gift. The idea is that you don’t want your hostess to feel obligated to serve your gift at her party. She’s put a lot of work into planning and preparing her menu. However, if your host or hostess is entertaining you (with food), chances are good they enjoy food! The key is to know your hostess.

If you’re bringing food: do not bring anything that your hostess will feel need to serve. Your gift should be intended for the host or hostess – not the group. So, instead or bringing a homemade pie, you might opt for a collection of breakfast teas or coffee, or a nice loaf of fresh bread for the morning. Then, be sure to tell your hostess “Thank you for inviting us. This is just a little something to enjoy in the morning.”

The same goes for wine. Expect your hostess to have already planned which wine she’ll serve – perhaps she’s not serving any. If you’re gifting a bottle of wine, you may want to say something like: “Thank you for having us over. This is a bottle we always enjoy and we thought of you. We hope you enjoy it when you find some time to yourselves!” If she asks to serve it at the party, feel free to accept a glass!

Are flowers a good hostess gift?

Miss Manners will probably tell you the appropriate choice is to bring cut flowers already arranged in a vase, OR send flowers the day after the party. The reason being, if you bring cut flowers in a bouquet, most hostesses will graciously find a vase, cut each stem, and arrange the flowers right away. This takes their time away from enjoying their party. If the flowers are already in a vase, they can accept the gift and place them where they wish. (And flowers delivered the day after the party allows a hostess even more freedom.)

That said…if you know your hostesses well, chances are good they’ll be pleased to accept a lovely bouquet of cut flowers. If you see your friend bustling around the kitchen trying to finish last-minute preparations, offer to lend a hand!

Our favorite DIY gifts for the hostess with the most-ess:

1. For anyone: Yep, flowers. Seasonal and lovely, flowers make a great gift!
2. For the foodie: Breakfast goodies. (Unless it’s a breakfast you’re attending.) A nice box of bakery-style muffins, bread, or pastries is a delicious treat for your host or hostess to enjoy the morning after their party. Just make sure they look good and are super fresh! Specialty teas or coffee is also a good choice, as is a jar of well-made granola.
3. For the BBQ master: Interesting dry rubs, seasonings, barbecue or finishing sauces in unique bottles…all are well-appreciated by the grill-master. (Just be sure to note these gifts are intended to be enjoyed by the host!)
4. For the sweet tooth: Unique chocolates or artisan candies. We have our favorite local brand, of course!
5. For the non-foodie: Handmade soaps or lotion in an unusual fragrance. These can be paired with a fluffy hand towel and/or popped into a nice basket for a lovely gift.
6. For the home decorator: A candle in a lovely fresh, seasonal scent or hand towels for the kitchen, if you know the preferences of your hostess.
7. For the queen of the garden: A potted herb with a recipe card attached. (Note: speaking from experience…you may consider what your green-thumb hostess already has in her garden…if she’s swimming in basil, you might opt for a different choice…)
8. For the casual hostess who asked you to bring a side or dessert to share: You might consider bringing your side or dessert in a dish you’ll gift! For instance, bring a colorful lettuce salad in a nice bowl with salad tongs. You leave the bowl and tongs as a gift to your hostess.